Here Comes the Sun and a New Blog

At Crema, looking outside at the grey, shitty, dreary weather listening to "Here Comes the Sun," pouring into the room. Kind of ironic. It's a quiet morning here. The gym was this way yesterday. I guess a lot of people are probably already off or out of town for the holidays. I walked in this morning and actually got to say more than hello to my favorite cafe boy. We talked about camping in tree houses and going to the gym. He informed me that going to the gym is not as fun now that he is older. He's turning 29 tomorrow (another Sagittarius), real old. I don't know his name, I call him blue eyes. I'll have to ask him one of these days. He has the bluest eyes you have ever seen. Seriously. They are a kind of see-through-sky blue.

It's busier now. Louder. I like it when it's quiet in here. The ceilings are high and exposed and the music bounces about with the clank of espresso cups in the background and the slight tapping of keyboards can be heard from the next table over. When it's busy it's chat chat chat, chairs sliding along the concrete floors and the microwave heating up pastry after pastry... beeeeeeeep. It's always busy in here about this time until after lunch.

I thought it was going to be sunny tomorrow but now I hear the rain is here to stay. Ah, well.... I'm leaving for LA next week.

I've decided to start yet another blog. A music blog of sorts. I've been thinking a lot about this for a while now. I don't know if you know this about me but I am a music freak.

Twenty facts about me and music:

1. I belong to a paid music subscription service
2. I've been known to spend several hours in one sitting looking for new music.
3. Music is ALWAYS on in my car.
4. Music is almost always on in my house.
5. If I love a record it might stay in my car's CD player for a month at a time with no switching out.
6. If I love a song it might get played several times in a day and possibly several times in a row.
7. I will go to shows alone.
8. I don't like to go to Damien Rice (my favorite artist) concerts with anyone because I don't to like be talked to while he's playing.
9. I have around 5000 songs on my Ipod, none stolen. I would have more if my Mac weren't always running out of space.
10. I love introducing people to new music.
11. Because I have musicians as "friends" on MySpace I often get asked to be the friend of other musicians. I actually go on and listen to all their music before I will accept them as a "friend." By the way, another great way to find music.
12. Strangely, I don't listen to a lot of the classics.
13. I think, put together properly, music and video can create an impression that will stay with you forever, enhance the music and leave you wanting more.
14. I have often fantasized about literally crashing into my future husband at Amoeba, my favorite record store, and meeting him while bent over our pile of dropped CD's. I even have a movie script outline done based on this fantasy.
15. I AM that drunk girl that wants you to listen to ALL THE WORDS to the GREATEST SONG EVER.
16. My favorite genre tends to land in the singer/songwriter category.
17. I own the Bose noise canceling head phones for music listening, not DVD watching.
18. I like my music LOUD so I can feel it inside me physically.
19. I don't know the names of most (99%) of the songs or records I own.
20. Music = Memory

So here is the skinny. I've decided to do a very simple daily blog. To start, I will be posting songs and videos. As it evolves I may write about the artists, songs or videos I am posting. We'll see. Some of the music may be new, some may be old. I want to introduce people to what I like and hope to get others interested in some of the artists that aren't being played on the radio. I'm actually kind of excited about it. I have ideas should I find it growing but am going to take it one step at a time. I haven't decided if it will start now or after Christmas. I want to be diligent about posting daily it so it may behoove me to wait until I get back from LA. STAY TUNED, literally!

~ Renee

Blah!

I am so completely unmotivated this week.

I had a great weekend. Probably a little too much fun actually. Three nights out in a row left a girl tired on Monday. I slept like a dead person last night. Funny thing is, of the three parties I've attended in the past week or so and only one was a Christmas party. Two were birthday parties. Next weekend I have two more birthday parties. Suddenly, I move to Portland am surrounded by Sagittarius'. I wonder what that means... and why aren't more people having Christmas parties???

Anyway, it's Tuesday and it's gross out. It is a true blue (or maybe I should say grey) Oregon day out. Super grey. Super dark out. Rain and more Rain. Just yucky. But it's not the problem. In fact, I've been laughing about it all day because it is so dismal. Of course, the texts came in.... "I told you so." "Laugh now, cry the rest of winter." "How you liking winter now?" I say hush! It's supposed to be sunny by Friday!

I feel good. I feel happy. I feel completely and utterly unmotivated to do anything, which includes doing nothing. I am not even motivated to give in and lay around. I am going through the motions and putting off parts of my constant "to do" list until tomorrow. I did that yesterday too.

Does this mean it's definitely time for a job? For school? Time to get a volunteer gig? Or am I just having an unmotivated week. I know... I think too much. It's a curse. But, I am horrible at being unmotivated. It drives me NUTS! And yet, I can't seem to motivate. I'm laughing at myself and how I must sound. An unmotivated person that wants to feel motivated but is too unmotivated to care about it today.

Cheers to lack of motivation and crappy weather! Bring on hump day. Perhaps it will get me over my own unmotivated hump!

~ Renee

“People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.” - Zig Ziglar

The Ice Storm

A quote from the movie "The Ice Storm."

"I'm not good at Math, just good at Geometry. It's like you now when they say you have 2 squared, you think it mean 2 times 2 equals 4, but really they really mean a *square*. Its really space, its not numbers, its space. And it's perfect space. But only in your head, because you can't draw a perfect square in the material world. But in your mind, you can have a perfect space. You know?"

We are supposed to get an ice storm here in Portland tomorrow. I was advised to get to the store and get food and liquor to last the weekend. I argued that I have plenty of places I can go within walking distance only to be told that those places won't be open if the people who work in them can't get there. Duh. I suppose that makes sense. Blame it on the Cali-girl in me. It's my first winter in years and I am enjoying it thoroughly thus far. The freezing cold temperatures, the bright sun, the smoke from my breath, wearing hats and coats and boots. I love it all!

I was in a bad space the last time I blogged. Lonely and bored. An internal ice storm if there ever was one. I've thawed a bit since then. It's like the quote above about having the perfect space in your mind. That space is simpler in your mind than it is when played out in reality. I moved to Portland and had started to create the perfect space and then suddenly found I was in the middle of a self created ice storms. What? Actually, now that it has passed I'm okay with it.

Since than, over the past week, two people I knew passed away. One was a co-worker that I did not know very well but worked near for several years. The other, was a very old friend that I hadn't seen or spoken to in over 17 years. Both of them lived life outside the norm either by choice or by challenges given to them and yet they were both very bright lights on this earth. Their spirit will definitely live on in the memories of those people they touched throughout the years.

So this got me thinking. I'm alive. I'm healthy. I need to get over whatever it is going on in my head and get on with it. So I did, and I am and I will.

I got down to business. I figured out all my financial aid stuff for school finally and I registered for classes today. Done deal. I applied for jobs to make the government happy but ended up making myself feel good for the accomplishment. I upped my gym workouts this week and am completely addicted for the first time in my life. FINALLY. I saw the guy I had a crush on when I first moved here (found out today he does have a girlfriend) and after all these months was still able to make him blush a bright red. I reconnected with some of the good friends I was missing. And, here I am, blogging for a second time in a week.

All in all I would say, I am feeling good about tomorrow's ice storm. In fact, I am looking forward to it. For it will be a new experience, probably quite beautiful. While I may just have to sit the day out and watch the icicles form it will give me the perfect opportunity to enjoy a nice glass of red wine, maybe skype with a friend. If I am lucky, perhaps in the quiet I will discover another "perfect space" in my mind.

~ thank you John.
~ Renee

Quiet

That's how my life feels right now. Really, really quiet. And here my friends, is where it gets hard.

I haven't blogged in a while. I was going to give it up really. Or give up on this blog anyway and start a new one. I have had a lot of ideas for new blogs but haven't followed through with a single one. I've been stuck on thoughts such as "What is my point?" or "What am I trying to accomplish?" I've decided, at least for today, who the fuck cares. I miss writing and this has provided me an outlet for the time being. Although I did start writing a book the other night.

Another thing to note is that I am not going to post this on Facebook nor will I email everyone to let them know I am blogging again. I feel like being raw, honest and putting it out there and I don't feel like advertising it. It's personal stuff and I am not looking for attention. As originally intended with this blog, "the point" is to share what it's like to start life all over again, alone, in a new place with no job in sight during a horrible recession at the age of 41.

I'm lonely. Super fucking lonely. I have less than a handful of friends and a lot of acquaintances. Sometimes I'm really busy, sometimes I go days without talking to anyone. And people wonder why I'm so chatty or hyper when they do talk to me. I spend a lot of time NOT TALKING. Maybe it's my age, I don't know but I am not in a place where I want to hang out with people anymore just for the sake of hanging out. In other words, I'm not into being around people just for the sake of not being lonely. I'm lonely because I am missing connecting with people. I'm lonely because winter is coming and I still don't have a fucking boyfriend, let alone a date. I'm lonely because I'm bored.

I'm bored. I don't have a job so I spend most of my days doing the following, in no particular order: Make bed, eat, drink iced coffee, Facebook, job hunt/apply, prep for school, spend 2 hours at gym (still not skinny), sometimes go to a cafe, sometimes go to grocery store, paint, drink wine and smoke, call friends in LA, Skype, watch TV or movies, constantly think about what the hell I am supposed to be doing, think about volunteering, think about getting a job, think about going to Spain, think about dating, think about writing, come up with ideas for pretty much everything without following through, network, think think, think, and think.....

I was listening to Obama speak today about Job creation in the US. He said this: "With one in 10 Americans out of work, and millions more underemployed, not having enough hours to support themselves, this is a struggle that cuts deep, and it touches people across this nation. Every day I meet people or I hear from people who talk about sending out resume after resume, and they've been on the job hunt for a year or year and a half and still can't find anything and are desperate. They haven't just lost the paycheck they need to live; they're losing the sense of dignity and identity that comes from having a job."

While I was listening to this portion of the speech I felt deeply affected. The strange thing is that I don't feel like I have lost my dignity, at least not consciously. As for having lost my identity, I wonder if I ever had one. And what a great opportunity it is to have this time to try and figure that out. A few of my close and oldest friends have recently informed me that they think I am suffering from defeat. I believe one of them used the word "deflated." Aside from being lonely and a bored, I mostly feel great and even lucky. I am no doubt, lost. I am no doubt, broke. But I am not depressed and every day I am thankful to have a roof over my head and people in my life that care about me. Am I making the right decision taking this time to figure things out rather than taking a job (that I'm not even sure I could get at this point) at the local 7Eleven? Who knows. Does it all make my head spin? Yes. Does it make me feel deflated? Sometimes.

I've definitely found myself in some mud at the moment. My unemployment just ran out for the third time. Now I get to play the wait and see game to find out if I will be getting a third extension. I wrecked my car two weeks ago and had to fork out 700 bucks I don't have for the deductible and for the rental car I used. I almost had a job and then I didn't. It was a good job and even though I wasn't qualified for it in many ways, I still felt somehow that I did something to sabotage myself. Of course, that is all in my head. I had a falling out with a close friend over Thanksgiving. Winter is here, the holidays are coming and suddenly I realize, as if seeing it in flashing lights on a billboard, I AM ALONE.

I am lucky in so many ways for the life I have lived up until now and for the life I will lead. I am smart enough to realize that my favorite quote, "this too shall pass," is my favorite quote for a reason. If it were you that had just moved to a new city and you called me for advice I'd remind you that in fact, you are not alone and will have many local friends soon enough and that eventually this will seem like a blip in time. If you called me to lament about how you were a failure and wondered "what the hell you had done with all of your time off?" I would tell you to hang in there and remind you of all things you have done in the past year and all the things you are doing to make the best of your future.

Why is it that we always choose to befriend our "critic?" He is not very nice you know.

~renee

The Plan

I had a plan for next year. A very unthought out plan, but a plan no less. I realized last year that there were three very big things happening in 2010 that I wanted to be a part of. Now as 2009 is slowly creeping towards its end I am realizing that I have not put one ounce of energy into executing my plan.

The Plan:
February - Work or volunteer at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver, Canada
March - Barbados for BFF 40th
March thru May - Find temporary way to make money
June - Fly to Africa, attend World Cup of soccer.
July - Fly to Spain from Africa. Walk the Camino for the Holy Year.

What I have done so far:
1. Begged for a job at the Olympics via Facebook.
2. Applied for several jobs on the VANOC website.
3. Let some film people in Portland know that I am interested in getting on a crew in Vancouver.
4. Put dates for World Cup and Camino celebration on calendar.

So. As you can see. I have done, nothing.

Challenges:
1-100. Money
101. Lack of ideas on how to accomplish this.

Things I have going for me:
1. No job, no kids, no significant other = no commitments
2. Enthusiasm
3. A passport

By the way, I am completely serious. Seriously.

So today I am adding a number 5 to the "what have I done list." I am asking you for ideas and thoughts. Seriously. Can this be done given my current circumstance? Should it be done?

As I stand at my crossroads and examine the horizon, the road that is most enticing to me, of course, is this one. I was about to commit to a different direction and then I remembered. I have been joking outwardly about doing this for over a year. All the while, inside my head, I was completely serious. Now I see no reason not to, at very least, entertain the possibility for a bit longer. To take my self seriously and put it out there. If you don't try, even at the 11th hour, you will wonder what might have been.

Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood and probably will themselves not be realized. ~Daniel H. Burnham

Crap! I thought I had it all figured out!

So yesterday I am at a bar (surprise), and I am sitting there having a pint (surprise again) and anyway..... I have a new crush. You want to know what I said at the moment I realized I was crushing? I looked at the person sitting next to me and said, very seriously, "I want to lay my head on his chest." What the hell? Who says that?

The reason I went to have the pint is because, 1. It was gorgeous out and I just wanted to sit outside in the sun some more. 2. Happy hour is really cheap here. 3. Summer is pretty much over and the sun is about to go into hiding. AND, 4. Because I didn't want to think about the fact that I suddenly feel like I am back at square one.

Number 4 might be a slight exaggeration but still. I'm a little freaked out.

I can't tell you everything because as mentioned in my last entry I'm keeping some things to myself. Teasing you? Not intentionally.

So. Two weeks ago I had it all figured out. I was going to postpone school until next summer. I was going to work on two more films. One that should be happening right now and one that starts some time in January. Here is what I have learned in the meantime. Nothing is a sure thing until it's a sure thing.

Disappointed and stumbling at yet another crossroads.... I somehow still feel strangely good. I feel like I'm doing the right thing. The problem now is which road do I take. There are actually about three roads I see for myself for the moment. How do you know which one is the right one? Or how do you make it the right one?

I thought I had it all figured out and then I didn't. And now I don't. And now, I get back up on the damn horse that brought me to this place and I keep trying to figure it out.



At a fork in the road
I paused
I looked down to see
The tips of my shoes
Hovering on the edge
Of the sky
Reflection
~ Renee Michelle Palmer

Now What?

I'm laying on my incredibly comfortable bed on my amazingly cozy down comforter wearing jeans and a tank top as if it were hot outside. It's not hot outside, or even warm. I have all the windows open (as usual) and the air blowing in is downright chilly. My toes are wishing for socks and my arms for a sweater. They sky is grey and the smell reminds me of June gloom in LA. I like it because I know it is temporary. I wonder if I will like it next month and the month after that and so on.....

I keep writing things and deleting them. Feeling a little out of practice. Need to get the writing juices going again.....

How about we do this interview style?

Q - What have you been up to?
A - Working on a movie. A short independent film.

Q - Yeah? Did you enjoy it?
A - Oh, very much so. I learned so much. Worked very hard, harder than I think I have ever worked in such a small period of time. I met some really great people and hopefully, new friends.

Q - Do you think you will want to continue working in film? In Portland?
A - I have no idea. I don't have a film school degree which makes me feel a little behind the eight ball, not to mention my age. I do know that working on the film fulfilled a lot of things I'd like to have in a job. So, we'll see. I have an idea but I'm kind of keeping it to myself for a minute.

Q - Really? Can you give me a hint?
A - No.

Q - What have you been doing since you got off the movie?
A - Working on some art pieces for my friend's art show. She started an amazing organization called Art from the Ashes. You should check out the website AND you should come to the show. .

Q - What kind of art were you working on?
A - Mixed media collage. Wood, paint, ash, burnt books, burnt tree bark, photography, poetry, etc... I completed two pieces that I submitted for the show.

Q - Sounds cool. Will you be attending?
A - Absolutely! It is such a great opportunity and I feel very lucky to be a part of something so incredibly positive.

Q - So, job done, art done, now what?
A - I've admittedly been doing some relaxing. For the first time in this unemployed period of my life, I don't feel the need to spend eight hours a day looking for a job. Instead, I am mulling over some ideas of my own and trying to figure out how I might make them happen. After a year of not working, I'm pretty sure I am done in the corporate/office world. I feel good, natural. I found out while working on the film that I am still willing to work incredibly hard and that I still have the skills to be successful. You loose your confidence a bit when you haven't worked in so long. I was worried I may have lost "it." So now, I feel like I am ready to make some things happen for myself putting those skills and that drive to work for ME.

Q - Will you continue blogging?
A - Hell yes! And, as mentioned way back when... a photo blog will most likely be added very very soon, so stay tuned.

Q - Anything else you would like to add?
A - Yes. Buy the new Muse record and listen to it really loud.

A Little Tiny Update

It's been a while since either Vickie or I have posted. Vickie's been traveling and I've been working. I wanted to put something up here in case she doesn't get a chance sooner than I plan to post next.

This production, as of today, will be taking over my life until August 31st. I don't think you will see a post from me until after that time so patience my friends... the blog is not going away, it just might be on a short hiatus. I would put a few updates on now but I wouldn't even know where to start and after working 11 hours today, I'm too tired to even try. It's funny how not working for a year has actually affected my ability to work long hours.

Please don't give up on us.... life just happened to get in the way at the moment. Maybe that's good. I figure, I'll be unemployed in a couple of weeks and all of this and that will give me fodder for future blogging.

Fast forward one hour from last paragraph..... Phone call from Vickie just happened... she hopes to blog soon soon soon! She is in Vegas, on her way back to NM this Friday in an unairconditioned car. Yikes!

I'm still laying on my bed, returning phone calls and trying to finish this little tiny update.

Gotta call from some Oakwood folks. Missed it. Message was better than a call would have been, I think. They are all drunk on wine, doing facials and thinking of me. Kinda sweet I think. Although, they only called to razz me about a night in which one of them gave me a serious wedgy. NOT NICE! I miss my Oakwood gang for sure.

Anyhoo. Check back on occasion just in case, but look for more regular posting come September.

Be well. Live long and Prosper. And all of that good stuff.

Thank you for reading ~ Renee

Scout

The other day, my friend Joy nicknamed me Scout. I kind of like it. I've never had a nickname that didn't already have some part of my name it. Not that I can remember anyway. We'll see if it sticks.

Of course, she is referring to my current internship. I'm on week three of location scouting for a small independent film. How crazy is that? Does that happen? You go to work on a film as a PA or assistant and end up being THE location scout by the end of day 1? Yeah, I'm not getting paid but so what. I'm getting to know the city, meeting really great people and learning invaluable research methods. Ok, not really on that last part. After all, I've always been the one to research restaurants, bars and the like. This is just expanding the subjects really. It's not an easy job. Or at least not as easy as I thought it was going to be. People don't want their business interrupted, homes invaded and often don't call you back, not to mention the amount of driving I'm doing in a walking city. At times it's tough to visualize what others envision. We all read books (or scripts) and imagine the room, the person, the scene we are reading about; usually in a very particular way. In this job, I have to imagine how the guy who wrote it sees it. So far, I think I've been on track, which is amazing and fulfilling. Maybe that means I have the chops to be a director someday? Of my own stuff?? I've never felt that my imagination was strong enough to bring things to life visually, the way filmmakers do... or to even dream them up for that matter. I think I'm finding that is not the case, even if on a very small scale. I just never had or took the opportunity to test drive this part of my brain before now.

Someone once said to me, "you will be a better artist when you learn how to play." It pissed me off at the time. Art is so subjective. As an aspiring artist I judge myself constantly and little comments like that can send me into a cave. Last year, my writing teacher said (as she raised her hand into the air way above her head) "when I read your writing, I feel like I'm way up here." What she was trying to tell me was that I was not inside what I was writing so how could she be. Whatever. Whether she was right or not, I stopped writing for months until I started this blog. I believed what she said and somehow twisted it into a very resounding "you suck."

I came to Oregon, to start over on many fronts. Creativity is not the least of those. Wintertime will provide me with a dark hole to crawl in and create. I'm very excited about it. In October, I am hopefully going to be showing in Joy's show "Art from the Ashes," in support of the Santa Barbara botanical gardens. A film internship, another art show, I'm writing again... things feel like they are moving and moving in the right direction. I have chosen to learn from the statements I previously let stop me in my tracks. Not sure if it's the fresh start, fresh surroundings or excellently sweet strawberries giving me this new perspective. What I do know is that I feel like playing, I am engaged and I am going to make it happen. While I am still iffy on the what "it" might be exactly, I do not doubt "it" will be found.

Thank you for reading ~ Renee/Scout/Nelita/Nay Nay/Anay/Nunay/Nay/Nay Bird

Weather Obsessor

There is no doubt about it. I have become obsessed with the heat. The good thing, I'm finally, ever so slightly, becoming acclimated. The funny thing, it was 106 at 545pm and at 645pm it has cooled down to a nice 105. Shilpa, the Production Manager I am working with, and I, decided to skip out on the office this afternoon in search of a nice icy place to plant our buttocks' and finish working. We found Sydney's cafe. A nice icy warehouse like cafe. It was so chilly that when it was time depart and venture to the outdoors, it actually felt kind of nice out. The thaw. That lasted about 3 minutes. Now I'm sitting in my sticky, stuffy stuffy studio apartment sucking on a Stella Artois, sweating from head to toe. Why does it bother me so when the back of my knees sweat. The rest I can deal with, sort of. The back of the knees? Slippery when legs are crossed. Drippy when sitting with feet flat on ground. Squishy if bent up with heels on rails of chair. It's just kind of gross. The Stella is tasty cold going down, but I am absolutely sure it is counter productive to the body's cooling off process. Ahhh... a breeze awakens through the window. I still have not bought popsicles. What is wrong with me? I don't want to eat, it's too hot, so I don't go to the store, so I don't own popsicles.

Scene: Renee types... stares out the window, waiting.... waiting for some hot guy to walk down the street she is looking down upon. He's supposed to bring her popsicles. What's taking him so long?
Fast forward: Renee keeps typing. It was just a daydream. No guy. No popsicles. Renee sips Stella and wonders what the heck she is going to do tonight to escape this heat.

See.. I told you I am weather obsessed. I won't bother to mention the hot guy comment since EVERYONE knows I am boy crazy.

The internship: I'm still location scouting. I was offered a "assistant producers" intern position today. Not sure what I will do about that. Get through this film I suppose and see what happens. Ramping up will probably start next week. We are short on a few locations and once we nail those down I'm sure we will go like gangbusters for at least 2 to 3 weeks. I like it! I like it A LOT!

And.... it's gone....... blog thoughts just jumped out of my brain while thoughts of a nice cold shower jumped in.

Cheers from me and Stella. ~ Renee

My horoscope today (I quite liked it): Ambition can be pretty heady, like an expensive perfume or that new car smell, and you're both drawn to it and a little afraid of it. Ambition, like most strong forces, is an excellent servant but a bad master. As long as you remain aware of your ambition and make sure it doesn't get too outsized, you should be just fine. So go ahead and reach for the stars -- they're reaching back.

NEXT!

Is it me or is he flirting? I've been sitting in my crush's cafe for over an hour. I've been paying attention. I've counted. Seven. Seven times, he has been looking at me and when I look up he smiles. This is a fairly normal occurrence so I decided to count today. I can pretty much rely on him looking at me at some point if I am looking at him or if he passes by my general vicinity or if he accidentally happens to look in my direction. No exaggeration. He goes to the restroom, he spots me. He restocks the straws and on his way back to the counter, he smiles at me. Ok, yeah, I'm looking at him too if I am actually getting a smile and smiling back, but what the hell does this mean? I am so retarded. I'm thinking, if he liked me he would go beyond the smiling after a month. I finally did the introductions as you all know. I'm thinking he has a girlfriend? I'm thinking he thinks I'm way older than he is. My friend Beth decided he is WAY younger than me so now I have that to add on to reasons why we don't get beyond big face smiles and chit chat. I'm thinking I need a life and another crush to increase the odds. I'm thinking that I am ridiculous.

It's really damn hot again today. It's making me spacey and day dreamy. I just went off into la la land. I'll spare you the gory details of my teenage style fantasies. Speaking of fantasies...I have an idea for an indie style chick flick. Anyone interested in being my writing partner? I'll do the writing... just need someone to help me along with some brainstorming and moving forward. I have the beginning, the end and the conflict ready to be turned into something more.

I went to school today. Yes. Finally. I'm really excited about getting back into the learning mode. After some discussion I may be changing tracks until I get my associates. I won't bore you with the details. As it turns out, I am already half way there so I may as well get it under my belt and move on to working on the dreams through a bachelors program instead. More meat behind the accomplishment. Don't hold me to this as I may go back to my original plan. I have to meet with a specialized school counselor before anything is decided AND I have to take the damn math test I am so dreading. You think listening to me is frustrating? Try being me!

NEWS FLASH!

UH OH! I think crush's last day was today. DAMNIT! How can that be? He just said good bye as in gave hugs good bye to his co-workers. I heard the words "good luck on your real job" and then he replied "we'll see how the project goes." Blasphemy! How could this happen? I think I am in shock............. (and being overly melodramatic for sake of blog, so really, on to the next one I suppose).

I have officially reached the sweating behind the knees stage. It's time to hit the road and sit in the air conditioned car for a minute or 10. I had a funny or stupid thought just now; "Don't sweat it."

And so to keep in line with all things new in my life, I will find a new crush to go with my new apartment, new town, new school and new friends and all will be well in the world again.

He was tall. I melted. He smiled. I felt it. His eyes were blue. So are mine. He served me coffee. I took my time. His name was Colin. Now he's gone. ~ Renee Michelle

Hot, Busy and Finally Blogging.

I am sitting in my underwear blogging because it's the only way I will get through it. I know, too much information. I tried going to a cafe a couple of hours ago. It's so hot out that the air conditioning systems here are just not good enough to cool some of these places down. Anyway, I ended up doing a bit of work and then I had to go. Go where? To the heat of my apartment. I think I'm receiving payback for five years of living in the most temperate apartment at Oakwood Place, my old haunt. My neighbors, especially upstairs, suffered through many summers of this. I was lucky. Now I know what they went through. It's going to be in the triple digits all this week. What's a girl to do other than avoid home and when home hang in panties and bra? Being that I own a LAP-top, I have been sort of avoiding the whole computer thing, hence the lack of blog updates. Computer electricity just makes it hotter in here.

I'm not complaining. Seriously.

For someone new in town, I've been crazy busy the past week. I had a friend visiting from out of town who I was out with nearly every night. By day, I have been film intern/location scout. No joke. I have been location scouting for a week now and I'm loving it. It's a great way to meet people, see some interesting places and most of all, get to know the city again. I may be working for no money but what I lack in cash I am getting in hands on experience. Not to mention, I'm working with a really cool group of people. Location scouting just might be added to my list of job possibilities for the future. I kind of dig it. We are almost done with this stage and then I will be moving onto other things, most likely PA type work. Actually, I have no idea. They will have me fill in where they need me. I'm thankful for this tossing around as I am probably getting to do a lot of things I wouldn't necessarily get to do on a larger film. The process is so interesting to watch. Perhaps when it is not so hot and I am not so brain dead, I will share my thoughts with you on it.

I have dinner plans again tonight. I thought I should say no for affordability reasons, but than I thought better of it and said yes. I am feeling like maybe it's better to say yes to things right now especially when they involve seeing new places and meeting new people. Network, network, network.... besides, as I rambled before, it's too hot inside.

The other day, someone asked me what I was trying to accomplish with my blog. As with life, I sometimes have a hard time answering such direct questions about things I'm doing. Of course, when someone asks me a direct question like this and I realize that I can't answer it directly, I start obsessing. What am I doing? Why am I doing this? Is it a waste of time? Is it interesting if you don't know me? Does it make you want to go somewhere or do something maybe you wouldn't have tried otherwise? I think that last question is indicative of what I'd like you to get out of it. I wonder, is there a flow between posts? It seems so to me but then I am living it or melting in it.... depending on the temperature.

Tomorrow's high is forecast at 102 with 44 percent humidity. I've decided to finally check into the whole school thing on the hottest day this week. Maybe the counselors office will have the good kind of air conditioning. The kind where you welcome the heat when you walk outside because the room you were in has frozen your toes? Speaking of toes, I need a pedicure very badly. I currently have half painted and chipped, pink toenails. Being that it is flip flop weather, pretty toes are sort of a necessity. I worry that the polish will melt as I try to put it on and end up clumping and becoming a disaster and not only will my nails be painted but my toes and my fingers and anything within three inches of my feet. Why wasn't I given this girl gene? The one that helps a girl do things like dye hair and paint nails perfectly? Well, at least, if things do go wrong in the attempt to beautify myself I can blame it on the heat. Even weather.com has an "extreme heat warning" on their site for Portland. Hows that for great planning? I moved here in one hot damn summer so that by the time fall comes I might actually welcome it.

As they say in high school yearbooks, "stay cool."

Thank you for reading ~ Renee

correction to previous blog

In an earlier blog I referred to Sauvie Island as a peninsula. I of course know that a peninsula is not an island and therefore retract that sentence. I bet you didn't even catch it... but still... it was bugging me for days!

Renee. 41. Film Intern.

It's still hot here and getting hotter. In the triple digits by Friday. Californians, I want no comparisons. We have humidity. I win.

Last night I discovered my new favorite summer venue. It's grassy, surrounded by trees, smallish and has great acoustics. McMenamins Edgefield. Ahh... it was lovely. A good substitute for missing one of my favorite things in Los Angeles; The Hollywood Bowl. Plus, they don't charge for parking. Imagine that. Oh and there was absolutely no traffic when we left. CRAZY! Oh wait, there's more. No one raced for a place on the lawn. Once blankets were placed there was absolutely no worry about leaving said reserved spot unattended. We took off just as everyone else did, to have a beer and wander. NEVER would that happen in the LA area. In my experience, at outdoor festivals down there there must always be at least one person left behind to stand watch. And for those of you that like to enjoy a microbrew or two, they were only five bucks. UNHEARD OF!

The show was superb, opening with a little Portland band named Blind Pilot. If you don't know them, I suggest you check them out. They only have one CD out but I have managed to wear it out over the past year. They will get bigger (remember me saying this). Second was Andrew Bird. He's a great whistler, a hyper intelligent lyricist, a musicians musician, has a ton of albums out and is really fun to see live. Again, check him out if you haven't already. The Decemberists headlined. Need I say more? Ok. They have incredible energy and a lead singer with a voice that is perfection. I'm losing my words here.... In short, the show was fantastic!

Today, I was a little tired. Worn out maybe? I didn't do much this weekend other than hang out with my pal Beth who is visiting from NYC. It's nice having a good, old friend in town. We visited some other old friends and fellow campers on Saturday night. We ate salmon and inhaled the yummiest drink our friend Dave made up. Something with blueberry, vodka, cranberry, grapefruit and other stuff that was oh so refreshing and dangerous! I look forward to imbibing at the campground next month.

Oh, so back to today and today's blog title. Yep. That's right. I took an internship today on a short film. No pay until the production starts shooting, but still. I get to put my little fingers in a lot of little areas which will be great. I start tomorrow. I think to start I will be helping with locations and logistics, which I'm excited about. There will be three weeks of pre-production followed by 6 or so days of filming. I have no idea what to expect but it will be nice to be doing "something" (as discussed in previous blog). The nice thing is that I will only be giving them around 24 hours a week, so I will still have time to pursue my other "somethings" in preparation for fall. You know, those little things like a paying job and school. So here I am, 41 years old, working for free on a film no less. Ha. It kind of makes me laugh and feel a little bit crazy, but then it also kind of makes me feel free. I'll keep you posted on the progression of my split personality.

Interestingly enough, Vickie is also interning. While she has not blogged about it, she too is working for free. After all those years of making the big bucks and trying to fulfill ourselves that way, we both find ourselves happy and happily working for free. Of course, the goal is to turn that free work into a way to support ourselves. However, I find it refreshing to not feel the pressure I used to feel to make more and more and more. It never seemed to be enough. I'm as curious as you might be to see where all of this goes.

Renee. 41. Film Intern. Open.

Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it. - RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Sauvie Island, Cherries and Mint Water

That is a real picture of Sauvie Island taken with my fantastic LG (lame) phone. It was a nice breezy morning so I spent a couple of extra hours working from the bed. I job searched and sent off a resume while the wind blew across me and filled the room with fresh, lovely cool air. Being it was such a cool morning I decided to check the weather forecast. The heat was definitively on its way so I decided to skip town, as mentioned yesterday.

Sauvie Island was my destination and my saviour today. It was hotter there than here but there was also a huge body of water a mere five feet from my own feet. I dipped a bit here and laid around a bit there and thumbed through a couple of magazines. Before I headed down I had told myself that I was going to study math and so that going to the beach for the day would be acceptable. Well, it was hot as hades on the sand, so too hot to study! So...I guess I'm starting over next week.

Math? Yes, Math. In case I've been vague... one of the reasons I'm here (in Portland) is to afford working for cheap while going back to school to start all over. Yes, start all over again on a new career path. The old one just stopped working for me at some point. Anyway, since I haven't really been to school in a very long time and math was the subject I sort of avoided back then, I have to start all over and take a stupid math placement test. UGH! So, I figure if I study before I take that test, maybe I will test out at a higher level. I'm good at math, just slow and I really dislike it. I also resent having to start math classes from the beginning at 41 years of age. I don't see how it will help me on my new career path in any way. Hmph!

So, I guess you could say I kind of took the day off. Yes, you hear guilt. I always feel guilty when I'm not "doing something." After all, I came here to finally "do something!"

So what am I doing now? Eating cherries and drinking mint water, Oh, and blogging.

So if school doesn't start until fall, I don't have a job but I'm looking and I am sort of working on some art projects on the side... what will I do to make myself feel like I am doing "SOMETHING?" Good question. I have some ideas. But for now, it's Friday at 6pm and I think I'm going to take the weekend off with the rest of you working folks, to think about it.

Cheers to doing something great and wonderful and impactful! ~ Renee

Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. Because it's only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential. - Barack Obama

It's Too Hot to Blog

Seriously, It's in the nineties today. I'm not complaining. I will never complain about the heat or the sun here because I know the dreadful color of gray I have to look forward to is always right around the corner. But really, it's just hot today and my apartment is stuffy. I guess I could go to one of the air conditioned or breezy cafes but I'm taking a cafe break. The heat here feels hotter than the heat in La La land. No lie. Ninety here feels like 100 there. Humidity? All in my head? Whatevs! (thanks Dimitri)

I'm laying on my bed under my ceiling fan listening to the Police, Synchronicity. There is a guy laying on his front porch couch two houses down. There is no air conditioning over here. They don't need it. The houses are old and so they suffer for the week or few by laying on the porch or heading to the local park for a tan. I'm hiding out today. Job hunting. Lucky me.

Tomorrow I've decided to hit Sauvie Island (borrowed picture above). It's a short 10 minute drive away. It's a peninsula that has a sand beach, sans waves. If you go down the road far enough you can be treated to nudist families. The trick is to not go too far or you end up in the secluded area where the pervy nudes hang out. Of course, being the prude that I am, I have yet to do the nude thing. Tomorrow I will go to the closer in beaches, where the crowds of those clothed in bikinis will be. My legs are white. We must do something about this. I just need to get out of town for a couple of hours while it is really hot. Do you hear the justifying going on?

I'm not moving and I'm sweating. I'm laying still and my face is creating moisture. Behind my knees feels drippy. I'm not complaining. A popsicle sounds really delicious right now. "Honey, would you go down to the store and pick me up a box?" I know, who the heck am I talking to. "Oh and while you are at it... maybe pop into Sears and pick up a window air conditioner." Hmmm... she's lost it. The heat, it's getting to her. Popsicles! Stat!

What did I accomplish today? Emailing myself two jobs that I don't want but will apply for any way and narrowing down my choice of gyms to three. I will now get input from the locals.

Popsicles. Orange, raspberry, banana, lime, grape and mmmmm....rootbeer. I had a Bomb Pop for the first time since childhood about a week ago. That was an odd experience. I think they are much smaller than they used to be. They still come in red, white and blue. I think, today, if you are going to go for a junk food popsicle, the Big Stick is the best. But you have to get it from the ice cream man or the guy that carries the cooler across the beach all day in the blazing heat because he is Hercules. For whatever reason, they taste different. Better somehow. The ones at the store, not as... creamy? I know, but trust me on this one.

My hair is a mess. Sweaty. It sounds hot out. I'm not complaining. Seriously.

My laptop is making my lap hot.

I saw the popsicle makers at the store the other day. Maybe I should buy some. You know, the Tupperware kind? Just fill with your favorite liquid and freeze. Maybe I should go buy some right now. MMMM... homemade lemonade popsicles! Remember when your mom would make those for you? If not, too bad for you. My mom made them ALL THE TIME.

Summer's hot, summer's fun, nothing like a popsicle to cool you down in this big hard sun.

Stay cool ~ Renee

To Blog is to...

I just got through having my second video chat in two days. It's amazing how we are able to stay connected to one another these days, isn't it? I was chatting with my friend Scott while we floated in the clouds, rode roller coasters (it's a special effect available to those of you with MAC computers) and I pondered, what should I be blogging about every day? After all, this was my idea wasn't it. Perhaps blogging is just another way of connecting to you, to friends, to family and even to strangers. To blog is to share, to perhaps inspire through experience and if all goes well, to entertain you the reader on occasion (I can never spell occasion right the first time).

I could probably go back over the past few days and catch you up on all the goings on of me and this Portland adventure I am on but I'm going to pass if you don't mind. Instead, now that I have internet at home, I am just going to make an attempt to be more regular about this blogging thing and find my stride. I'd like to open it up for suggestions. What would you like to hear about as I take this time in life to start over and figure it "all" out? Comments and emails welcome.

I'm thinking about starting a second simpler blog that will be attached to this one. Simply put it will be more of a visual blog containing pictures with captions, nothing more. My visual observations of this funny place they call Stumptown. Side note; for those of you wondering why Portland is called Stumptown, Wikipedia offers the following: Portland, Oregon was nicknamed Stumptown in the mid 19th century, when the city's growth forced land to be cleared quickly to accommodate the growth, but the tree stumps were not immediately removed. Not only is Stumptown Portland's nickname but it is also the name of their most popular coffee. You see "serving Stumptown" signs hanging in the windows of many, if not most, coffee shops here. Anyway... stay tuned on the possible second blog.

For now, I have attached some recent, not so great, cell phone pictures of Portland, also known as the City of Roses (more on that later, maybe) for your enjoyment.

This is the Washougal River in Washington state. I went here on the fourth of July for the day. There are some pretty deep holes for jumping into from rocks, cliffs, ropes and yes... even from that bridge you see in the background. The water is cold by So-Cal standards but not too cold, especially when it is in the 90's here. I hear it gets warmer in August. I look forward to finding out.


This is Ladd's Circle. It's a round about for cars and bikers alike with a nice little park in the center. The park is full of flowers, bushy bushes and the occasional (I misspelled it again!) bench for your buns. It's a short walk from my place and on my way to the fabulous "New Seasons" grocery store. New Seasons has the best fruit on the universe by the way, including plums that are actually purple on the inside and taste like the purply plum-ness they are. The bike you see was only one of about twenty that had passed too quickly for me to pull the cell phone out.









Last but definitely not least, this is a shot from the other end of my tree lined street. Ahhh, shade and flowers and swings hanging from trees lining the sidewalks, inviting every kid to stop and enjoy their neighborhood. Mulberry street.









That's it for today. I hope you enjoyed your visit to Portland. Come again sometime. Oh and PS... I introduced myself to the crush (see previous blog). It went just fine.

Thanks for reading ~ Renee

For centuries, writers have experimented with forms that evoke the imperfection of thought, the inconstancy of human affairs, and the chastening passage of time. But as blogging evolves as a literary form, it is generating a new and quintessentially postmodern idiom that’s enabling writers to express themselves in ways that have never been seen or understood before. Its truths are provisional, and its ethos collective and messy. Yet the interaction it enables between writer and reader is unprecedented, visceral, and sometimes brutal. And make no mistake: it heralds a golden era for journalism.
by Andrew Sullivan

The Dude from Katmandu

Today is one of those days in Santa Fe where it’s really too hot to do anything indoors or out. So I thought what a perfect day to drink some Hefeweizen and blog.

The last few weeks have been pretty interesting around the compound. As I mentioned I think last blog, we got a new compound-mate, Vajra.

Vajra –noun Hinduism.
(in Vedic mythology) the thunderbolt of Indra

Vajra has a pretty interesting background. Here’s a brief history: He was born in Katmandu, Nepal and lived there till the age of 9. His parents, both from the U.S. were art collectors / historians and shared a passion for Tibetan art. They met in Nepal after traveling through India during the 1960’s hippie movement. Vajra is an only child and after attending art school on the east coast and Northern Cal. he now owns and operates 3 galleries with his father specializing in Asian art. 2 galleries are in Santa Fe, NM and the other is in Nepal.

Now, Vajra has been here for a few weeks getting settled in to the little casita in the back of the compound. And along with him has come a revolving door of interesting characters that have been camping out on the compound grounds. Not to mention my own group of characters that seemingly wander in and out. Sunday morning I had my group over for brunch; all I had to say was “fresh batch of Tia Rosie’s chorizo” and they all come running. Apparently it’s the only way to get Huey out of bed on a Sunday morning =D. My group quickly merged on to my patio that Vajra’s crew had been occupying for the last few days so brunch at 11, turned into many beeeers (pronounced in a Northern New Mexican accent), by 1pm, then Weeder showed up with some. . . uh, humm. . . . how do I say this . . .”hence his name”?. . . .yeah, you guessed it). And it continued through the rest of the day in to the late evening as more people came and went, then usually came back. It made for some very interesting conversations, wild dares and a lot of instigation. The wickedness that one group of people can get in to is uncanny but pretty FUCKIN’ FUN!

Needless to say it’s pretty quiet around here today. A few people have left for their respective cities, Phoenix, Moab, etc. and the few that remain (myself included) are still sleeping it off.

It’s all been great fun and my typical indulgent Tauran-self wants MORE MORE MORE! But my MOTHER is arriving on Thursday! So everyone better be on their best behavior. No nudity and no Weed(-er). And I guess I have to hide my cloves =(

Anyway, sorry I don’t have a more prolific, soul-searching, enticing tale today, but my life, much to my enjoyment; has briefly turned in to a 30-something frat party.

I’ll write more soon. I do have a great story about a photo shoot I participated in last week out in Galesteo but I might wait till the photos are available for that in August.

Cheers! V

"Then like a bull who has heard the crash of a thunderbolt close by, the Great Soul whose mind had been purified by the merit of karma accumulated from eons of virtuous actions, was deeply agitated at this news of old age."

Hipster

I need to address a couple of things to start.

First lets talk about the word "HIPSTER." I keep telling people that where I live is totally "Hipster." Apparently, this term is lost on a lot of people. (Segue: Michael Jackson, Thriller just came on at the cafe... I missed the whole media frenzy so for me, it's kind of nice to hear the occasional homage to the MJ.) SOOOOO... by dictionary definition the meaning is this: A person who follows the latest trends and fashions. I'm not sure that definition does it for me. It's not the same kind of hip as LA hip is. It's more... edgy? more... urban? The "Urban Dictionary" has some good, albeit exaggerated, definitions of hipster. For those of you that wish to know more: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hipster

Now for the reveal. I got a haircut last week. My friend Domo, was kind enough to force a free haircut upon me. Who can say no to that after a whole year without even the slightest trim. HA! So, we cut 4 inches off and added some layers. I have to say... I love it. I can wash and wear, blow out and straighten. Straightened it's got cool, funky edges around my face. Curly it rocks the layers Wash and wear, well, it's just easy and turns out, it looks good too! I've had a few requests for pictures of my new hair. So... here you go. This is the "wash and wear" version... just shower and let it do what it will. I think the soft water and humidity here, help a bit.



My computer is about to D I E.

Blog to be continued.....

Happy Saturday.
Thank you for reading.

Renee

Crema

That's right... so soon, we are back to cafe names as titles. Crema is a coffee shop south of Burnside on 28th. It's got high ceilings and windowed garage doors, or garage door windows. Not sure how you would refer to them. It has monthly art installations on the walls and yummy cold pressed coffee available every single day. The seating lines the walls of the room with a few options plopped in the center, including one large family style table. If you need a plug-in, find a wall seat. The furniture is blonde and the floors concrete. It is packed every single day and there is a line much of the time. I'm not sure why. They offer well made coffee drinks, pastries and a few lunchy items like sandwiches and soups. The atmosphere is pretty great, better than most. But, honestly, I come here for the six foot four, tall, skinny, dirty blonde, nerdy guy behind the counter. Definitely giraffe-like, but when he smiles at me I get all gushy-mushy inside.

Whatever.

Anyway, I'm here this morning postponing the inevitable unpacking that seems to never end. It's kind of cloudy out so I figure I have the whole rest of the day to achieve day two of cardboard-dry hands. Awesome.

It's amazing the things you forget you have to do when you move. Like change your address directly with magazines and credit card companies. Am I the only one? You know, you fill out the stupid postal forms and hope they do it for you and then magically it all just gets changed eventually. Maybe you do them one by one as you pay the next months bill? Oh but wait, you probably have never had the post office screw up your mail so badly that it took over a month to start receiving it, so when you finally did, you found your gas bill was being sent to collections. HOW DUMB IS THAT?!? What am I babbling about now? Never mind. Just make sure to pro-actively change your address when you move with each company directly, especially for any final bills. I would skip relying on the US POSTAL SERVICE to forward it to you.

By the way, totally off topic... I got a haircut last week for the first time in a year. I cut like 4 inches off I think. My friend Domo, aka hairdresser, took one look at my hair and said "I'm cutting your hair for free. How long has it been?" Well, what is one to say to that? I folded. Anyway, it is a cute little haircut that works both straight and curly. I love it, my hair loves it, people everywhere love it (not really, but it sounded good). Anyway... One year later, I have cute hair again. Now I need a job.

I have nothing to talk about today. I have to look for a job now. Craigslist here I come. UGH.

And So It Begins

As you can see from the attached, crooked, lovely cell phone shot... I am finally moved in to my own little home at The Mulberry Apartments in lovely Ladd's Edition, located in S.E. Portland. The place is an absolute mess. Boxes are opened and crap is stacked everywhere, in hopes that I will find an appropriate place for it.

Let's back it up a second. RECAP.

Um.. I stayed home on the 4th of July. There were so many fireworks going off in the neighborhood it was like world war three. Fireworks are legal here. Me and the cat stayed in at BK's house and caught up on Harper's Island. Kind of fun watching horror stuff with fireworks in the background. I chose to stay in because, well, I had to move the next day into MY NEW PLACE! (Yes, I am saying and thinking those words with extreme excitement and exaggeration! Do you hear the increase in octaves as you get to the end of the sentence?)

Moving my stuff was pretty quick for the mover guys considering they had to carry it up three flights of stairs. The harder part was me getting all of my stuff from BK's house. Basement to car, car to apartment. I have a lot of freaking clothes and it's a problem. We'll get there... First let's discuss my boxes and how the whole pod thing turned out... Considering the fact that some of my boxes looked like they were stomped on by large gorillas, I've been surprised to find only 2 items broken thus far. I still have about 7 boxes to go and many of those are books, so we should be in good shape. Other than getting everything into the place the only thing that was further accomplished was the mission to find bedding and make the bed. Oh how glorious to lay my eyes upon my double pillow topped bed, layered with clean sheets and 3 sets of pillows. I just stared at it like you would a lover or something. I was, IN LOVE for those few moments.


As you can imagine, I was so exhausted. I took a bath thinking I would eat something and be in bed by 8pm. Nope.... the bath, a nibble and knowing I was home got me all riled up. BK2 (Ex-BK's brother, Blake), who lives 2 doors down, stopped over for a visit and to check out the place. Verdict: He likes my space better with the exception of the kitchen. He has a very cool vintage white kitchen with original fixtures. My kitchen was re-done in 50's mid-century modern. He argued that it was seventies. I'm older, I know design, I win. Anyway, I somehow wrangled him into sitting down and watching me drink an entire bottle of wine. A good time was had by all!

Day 2 (yesterday) was spent at the likes of Target, Trader Joes and Fred Meyers (kind of like Target with groceries for you Angelenos). I was so tired after 4 hours of shopping that I only unpacked for a bit before throwing in the dirty towel. I laid down on my big cozy bed and watched several episodes of Northern Exposure. No matter where I am that show somehow makes me feel at home. Odd?

Today I got up and called everyone known to man. Car Insurance, Internet, Electricity... you know the drill. Good news, I will have DSL next Tuesday so I can BLOG you all to death after that. I am a little over 1/2 unpacked. I have dishes everywhere because the newspapers they were wrapped in made them too dirty to put away. Of course, what is the one thing I forgot to get at the store yesterday? Duh-Dish soap! That's happening next.

Tomorrow, I will finish as much as I can before I tackle the bathroom and closets. I have storage issues in the bathroom that require creativity. I'm waiting for it to hit. The closet space is aplenty but not as aplenty as my last place. I have discovered that I am a clothes whore and need to find a way to overcome this issue, pronto. I really don't want to be that person that has to put winter/summer clothes away off season. Am I making a big deal over nothing? I would love to hear thoughts on this before I start purging.

That is the short of it told in long form. I am finally, at last, in my new place and it is glorious. I have three windows in my living area that create the most awesome breeze. I have sunlight for days, which will be great in the winter. I am here. I am home...at last. And now, after the unpacking is complete, the real journey begins... or so I would hope!

Stay Tuned. Thank you for reading. Renee

Countdown!

It's been a few days... no Renee, no Vickie. Believe it or not, I've been busy.

I got home from the beach and immediately went into social mode. After a beautiful and fairly quick drive home, and a shower, I headed back to the west side of town for a birthday party. A crazy rager of a party at which I saw the likes of the clock strike 4 AM. I haven't done that in a while. Of course, old age prevented sleeping in too late so after about 5 hours of sleeping on a window bench (seriously) it was time to start working on the hangover. We arose to blankets throughout the house where everyone seemed to find a random place to lay their heads, including the kitchen nook. I suppose that's what you call a successful party. For sure, a good time was had by all. We cleaned and inhaled a burger for breakfast around noon after which, I headed home. I later succumbed to an accidental couch nap before getting ready for party number two.

Saturday nights party was a bit more mellow. I went to a backyard BBQ slash birthday party for someone I did not know. My friends invited me to tag along. It was nice, now that the sun seems to be here to stay (for a while), to just sit in a back yard and drink some wine and meet some new people over silly conversation. I was home by 11:15 PM.

Sunday I went to see Transformers 2 with BK's brother Blake (also BK). DON'T waste your money. It's awful, even if you liked the first one. Blake went so far as to say that he thought it was the worst movie he has ever seen. You have been forewarned! After the movie, it was so nice out we found a patio to sit on and sip a pint before ending the evening at 8:30 PM.

Since the weekend I have been busy running around doing things like opening a bank account and looking for a job. Oh so exciting. I stayed with the friends that invited me to party two (Domo and Randall aka RP1, I am RP2) for a couple of nights and will be having dinner with them again tonight. I guess you could say that I'm settling in and starting to feel like I live here. Sunday is the big day. I will finally have my own place to live!

I have to say, since the sun came out last week... I am really digging this city. I've been known to say, if Portland was always sunny, EVERYONE would live here. It is paradise in the summer. If we have three months of this sunshine, well then, I have every reason in the world to be a happy camper. I just need a job, or something resembling work. There isn't much I tell you. I will not give up!

I suppose that todays blog is just a catch up full of nonsensical ramblings.....

Today after seeing nothing on the job boards, I'm going to go take a couple of hours off to hit the local pool with my friends daughter in hopes of turning my white skin less white. Seriously. I'm glowing. Not blue white, but close enough that it hurts my eyes to look at my legs. I dyed my hair this morning. Do you think it's a bad thing to go in a pool the same day? Hmmm...

Apologies to the daily readers... I have a feeling blogging might be a bit intermittent this week due to my work up to the big move or maybe I will feel more inspired tomorrow to actually talk about something other than the rundown of my boring day to day. OR... maybe Vickie will charm us with her magical stories of the desert.

Pause...... feel excitement growing.... smile... read on...

I am at the countdown people and that is truly something to be excited about! Sunday!

In closing, I do have something odd to share. I had a nightmare the other morning that someone was kidnapping me. I have never in my life had a kidnapping dream so I decided to look it up on the internet. Read for yourself. I thought it was totally interesting and probably not too far off.....

Kidnapping

The main theme in abduction dreams is fear. The dreamer may be afraid of losing a very important part of himself or of losing his safest and most familiar surroundings. Also, the dreamer may be afraid of leaving his home, childhood, familiar support group, or long standing ideas. These type of dreams may be most prevalent during times of psychological or physical transition and during stressful times of life when the future is somewhat uncertain.

Happy Fourth of July week!
~ Renee

Summer!

I'm back in P-Town and the sun is out! Tomorrow we are supposed to hit 85 degrees. The forecast calls for sun, seven days straight. I am a happy camper! What next?

This weekend is packed with parties. Well, only two but that is two more than I've gone to since I got here.

Came home today to find the internet has been installed here thanks to new roommate. Also to find sad sight of ex looking for job. A long discussion ensued. First about my time at the beach. Within that conversation, the local I mentioned (at the wine bar) in yesterday's blog came up. Apparently my spidey sense was correct and the guy is a little nuts. Turns out a good friend of mine has a brother that used to roommate with the guy. (Lesson; always listen to your spidey senses.) Conversation than progressed to the job market. It's pretty bad here. Twelve percent unemployment and less jobs than LA. With percentages being equal, I'm not sure what that means to me or any of us living on government money.

Every day it seems I am reminded of what a strange time this is. "They" say that the economy is getting better. I'm not sure it is. People are still getting laid off and companies are warning of more lay offs by the end of the year. People are leaving their cities en mass in hopes of finding what they haven't been able to at home. A dream? A job? A new environment that might create a new way of looking at things?

I made the statement today that it's no longer unique to be thinking "out of the box." BK replied with "That's because there is no box anymore." Ponder that a bit. What does it mean? What does any of this mean for our future? People say it all the time... "Can't you just get a job of some kind, anything, until you figure the rest out?" I fear that the dilemma is that more and more people can honestly answer with a resounding "NO." Not because they aren't trying but because EVERYONE who doesn't already have a job is doing the same thing. Thinking in circles, squares and triangles. I think a lot of amazing things will come out of this time in our nation. But, I also fear this time for those not so strong of mind or heart or belief in something. How will this time treat them?

Well, if you are like me, you occasionally spend money you don't have and justify it with comments like "I deserve it." or "If not now, when?" or "I could die tomorrow." So, today, in honor of all this heavy thought I made a couple of guilt free purchases because "when will I be at the beach again?" HA! I proudly purchased a loaf of white, squishy, yummy, fluffy, perfect Haystack Bread and a jar of delectable marionberry preserves so my friend Lisa and I can make some toast and spread the love of the best berry ever all over it.

Have a wonderful weekend and remember to walk in a crooked line.

Thanks for reading ~ Renee

Farewell

So this week, as all things come to an end (and thing like this seem to happen in threes), we say goodbye to Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. Tomorrow I say farewell to Wheeler and the Oregon Coast, for now. Of course, it is the most beautiful night with a gorgeous sunset. I am lucky enough to have a view of it from my room. Sorry about the cell phone shot... I need to get one of those camera adapters. Mine broke a while ago..

Today I spent half the day in my room "getting stuff done" and the other half driving to Neskowin. I went in search of the ghost forest and like my last treasure hunt, didn't find it. I think I went too early and the tide was too high. I feel like I was in the right place. Perhaps the trees were just buried in the salt water waves. Low tide was much too early this morning for me to get to and much too late for me to stick around so far south. After all, I had a wine bar to get to.

Vino. The one and only wine bar in these parts was open tonight in Manzanita. I sat at the bar. Alone. A gay couple on my left. A couple from Vancouver on my right. Later, some guy, a local, that I am pretty sure was hitting on me squeezed in between. He was nice enough, and not bad looking but a little...... mmmm... shaky? Anyway, by the time I left I had met them all and of course made friends with the gays most of all. They live in Portland. One of them is a working artist. They were all wined up and of course very encouraging and engaging. "Your an artist!" they said! They gave me some great tips and really encouraged me to do what I came up here to do. The local chimed in. "This is the time to do it." Funny, you hear that as often as you hear that this is the time to "just get a job." Anyway, it gave me a lot to ponder and was a great run-in for me to have. I think good wine, good food and a good time was had by all. I headed back to my little abode in Wheeler, full on wine, food and homemade marion berry pie. If you ever make it to the NW, you must have ANYTHING that is marion berry. Pie, jam, jelly.. ANYTHING! I promise, you will not regret it. Yummy, berry, flavor explosion.

The room next to me, as of tonight, occupies another solo female. Somehow, that makes me feel less alone. I only know this because they post a little welcome note with your name on it at each door. Nice little touches like this are all over this place. As I was coming home, she was going out for a walk to the benches across the street where you can sit and take in the awesome view (pictured above). I am realizing that I have become a lot more courageous in my life since walking across Spain two years ago. I still have a long way to go but am happy with my progression. Two years ago, I think I would have purchased a microwave meal from the local market and cooked it up to eat/hide in my room. Now, that is just not experiencing life, is it?
When you face little fears like eating alone at dinner time, you never know what might happen or who you might meet, or how great that glass of wine might taste on a night like tonight.

Finally. The sun came out. The wind stopped. The temperature rose. I rested. It has been a good few days on the Oregon Coast.

Peace ~ Renee

“I to the world am like a drop of water
That in the ocean seeks another drop,
Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,
Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself" ~ William Shakespeare

"THE OREGON COAST"

It started out as a gorgeous sunny day here at the coast and as you can see from this lovely (cell phone) picture, it got a little rainy out. Quite the contrast from Vickie's lovely NM sunset pic. The logging truck, the rain on the windshield and lots of grey in the background; all fairly normal for these parts.

Today and tomorrow the Oregon Coast is experiencing what they are referring to as "rare and extremely low tides measuring up to minus three feet." What this means to me is that I get to explore sights the ocean is normally hiding. I started my investigation of this phenomenon in Cannon Beach at Haystack Rock. There are a lot of tide pools, and unfortunately, a lot of people, so there was not much to see when it came to sea-life. A few burnt orange star fish and one big red brick colored one clung as they do to a rock. There were muscles everywhere and a few of those cute anemone things we all like to poke our fingers into but can't pronounce.

The weather was starting to change when I arrived, kicking up the winds so I didn't stay too long. Too much hair in my face.... Walking back to the car I watched as dry sand swept across the wet sand like a snake searching for it's prey. It created these beautiful flat dunes as if it ran into glue and decided to stick there. The sand is finer here than in California, softer. I wonder if it's because of the wind.

Before the obviously impending rain came, I took a stroll through town in search of a friend of a friend I knew in my early twenties. He told me to "look for her at the coffee shop." Well, I'm not sure when he was in Cannon Beach last but there are several coffee shops now. Needless to say, I didn't find her. Getting hungry and now wet, from the rain that was more like mist blowing than water pouring, I went in search of soup. All the restaurants were suddenly packed with lunch goers also trying to escape the rain. In an effort to avoid the lines of people waiting to be seated in the center of town, I headed back towards a place I had noticed earlier. It was set back and away from the shopping so I thought there a good chance it would be less crowded. The sign in the window had said; soup, sandwhiches, coffee. Turns out it was the local cooking school.

EVOO. I hate the name (thanks to Rachel Ray) but highly recommend this place. It's a small school that looks like house from the outside. When you walk in, you are have more or less entered the kitchen. Like Benihana's there is a table that wraps all around the cooking area and sets low. The menu changes daily and includes items like soup, chili and homemade cookies or their new "family meal." They cook the cookies throughout the day and set them out in front of you hot out of the oven. The place smells amazing. On a recommendation from the owner, I ordered Salmon Chowder. Oh My GOD! Creamy, but not too creamy. Bits of salmon, carrots and al dente potatoes. Drizzled olive oil, basil oil and ground cardamon on top (something else too, that i can't remember). It was served with a fresh cooked toast point. It was a flavor explosion for FIVE BUCKS! So, if in Cannon Beach support the local cooking school EVOO! http://www.evoo.biz/


After lunch I headed north in search of the shipwreck Peter Iredale (pictured, not my picture). Apparently it is currently more exposed than usual due to the low tides. I went all the way to Astoria (kind of far) and back and I couldn't find it. I guess my quick "where is it" look at a map before leaving the hotel wasn't good enough. Tomorrow I will do better when I go in search of the ghost forest that is now exposed down south. http://www.kgw.com/environment/stories/kgw_090308_news_ghost_forest.3f905b3d.html

I came down here to get away, have some space of my own, do a little writing and photography all while being able to look for a job and get some things accomplished now that I have the internet. I did look for a job yesterday but other than that, I feel I have been remiss in doing any of the other things I came here to do. I suppose it's only 4:30 so I have some time to "get on it." No point in guilting myself. I accomplished the getaway, space, photography and now writing. Time to get a little responsible. Hiring anyone? Kidding (kind of).

In closing I would like to share one of my favorite things with you (and Vickie's too). Music. On a rainy day, driving down the coast, some songs to match the mood (that I listened to today):
Flightless Bird - Iron & Wine
Road to Chicago - Thomas Newman
Love Vs. Porn - Kevin Drew
Sleepless - The Decemberists
The Giant of Illinois - Andrew Bird
Far From Home - Liz Durrett
Endlessly - Muse
Night Walks - Black Mountain
He Lays In the Reins - Iron & Wine/Calexico
It's Only Love - Diefenbach

Oh, and one more thing... tacky but ingenious. I saw that someone invented the "switch" flop. A flip flop where you can change the way it looks every day with new velcro add ons/ribbon tops. Seriously, google it. Hmmmm......

Thank you for reading ~ Renee

Summer in the sloppy adobes

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to drop a quick-line and let you know I am still here. This week has been good. I have come to REALLY appreciate the landscape here. I don’t think I ever spend so much time alone outdoors as I do here. It’s just too pretty to stay inside; even when it’s gloomy and clouding the sky is stunning.

I love sunsets and have seen some amazing ones over the pacific coast but I have to say they are even more amazing here. It must be the clarity or something.

I have had another week of great conversations (and some debauchery) with new friends, and through that, have come to appreciate the impermanence of life. People come and go for a reason and some may come back around when the timing is right and there is something comforting in knowing that. I know, I promised to write more of a day-to-day so this will be the last deep thought, promise!

Summer has arrived in Santa Fe! The weather is beautiful and the sun feels amazing and being one, Mexican and two, a Cali-girl, I can tolerate the heat and the sun, but let me tell you; it is an entirely different feeling 7,000 feet up! I actually burned the other day! That NEVER happens to me! So what does a girl do? I put on another layer of 30 SPF and fought back like a Mexican lizard :)

It looks like we; and when I say “we” I mean me and my amazing neighbor, confidant, Prince-loving, sister of Avalon, Janet Dees - will be getting a new compound-mate next week, which we are looking forward to. We welcome change and challenge, and it looks like it’s a great fit for the compound. . .but more on that later.

Today was another great day in Santa Fe. . . I took Pennie to the plaza where we people-watched, drank iced coffee from my favorite coffee house “Holly Spirit Espresso” (my very own local caffeine shrine) and talked to tourists and some locals. There are A LOT of people in town. Santa Fe cannot be suffering as far as tourism goes. Last week, we met a band in the plaza (me? meet a band? – never!) who was passing through from Texas and heading to a show in ABQ. Nice, NICE people who I will definitely keep in touch with. They are based in LA so if you are there and they are too, check them out: INCENDIO. Latin jazz; very cool stuff. Wish they would have played SF but they will be back in SF in November. They had just missed Del Castillo at SF Brewing Co. which we discussed. It was a decent show but I have said this before about Del Castillo and I will say it again, unless they are in front of their audience (Antones, Austin, TX) they struggle. So, on that note a well deserved ode to deSol who could rock the house to 5,000 or 5. . . I have seen both. It’s a shame they are where they are now. . .

So listen to music today mi gente. It’s good for one's soul.

What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset ~ Crowfoot

Mucho love, V