The Plan

I had a plan for next year. A very unthought out plan, but a plan no less. I realized last year that there were three very big things happening in 2010 that I wanted to be a part of. Now as 2009 is slowly creeping towards its end I am realizing that I have not put one ounce of energy into executing my plan.

The Plan:
February - Work or volunteer at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver, Canada
March - Barbados for BFF 40th
March thru May - Find temporary way to make money
June - Fly to Africa, attend World Cup of soccer.
July - Fly to Spain from Africa. Walk the Camino for the Holy Year.

What I have done so far:
1. Begged for a job at the Olympics via Facebook.
2. Applied for several jobs on the VANOC website.
3. Let some film people in Portland know that I am interested in getting on a crew in Vancouver.
4. Put dates for World Cup and Camino celebration on calendar.

So. As you can see. I have done, nothing.

Challenges:
1-100. Money
101. Lack of ideas on how to accomplish this.

Things I have going for me:
1. No job, no kids, no significant other = no commitments
2. Enthusiasm
3. A passport

By the way, I am completely serious. Seriously.

So today I am adding a number 5 to the "what have I done list." I am asking you for ideas and thoughts. Seriously. Can this be done given my current circumstance? Should it be done?

As I stand at my crossroads and examine the horizon, the road that is most enticing to me, of course, is this one. I was about to commit to a different direction and then I remembered. I have been joking outwardly about doing this for over a year. All the while, inside my head, I was completely serious. Now I see no reason not to, at very least, entertain the possibility for a bit longer. To take my self seriously and put it out there. If you don't try, even at the 11th hour, you will wonder what might have been.

Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood and probably will themselves not be realized. ~Daniel H. Burnham

Crap! I thought I had it all figured out!

So yesterday I am at a bar (surprise), and I am sitting there having a pint (surprise again) and anyway..... I have a new crush. You want to know what I said at the moment I realized I was crushing? I looked at the person sitting next to me and said, very seriously, "I want to lay my head on his chest." What the hell? Who says that?

The reason I went to have the pint is because, 1. It was gorgeous out and I just wanted to sit outside in the sun some more. 2. Happy hour is really cheap here. 3. Summer is pretty much over and the sun is about to go into hiding. AND, 4. Because I didn't want to think about the fact that I suddenly feel like I am back at square one.

Number 4 might be a slight exaggeration but still. I'm a little freaked out.

I can't tell you everything because as mentioned in my last entry I'm keeping some things to myself. Teasing you? Not intentionally.

So. Two weeks ago I had it all figured out. I was going to postpone school until next summer. I was going to work on two more films. One that should be happening right now and one that starts some time in January. Here is what I have learned in the meantime. Nothing is a sure thing until it's a sure thing.

Disappointed and stumbling at yet another crossroads.... I somehow still feel strangely good. I feel like I'm doing the right thing. The problem now is which road do I take. There are actually about three roads I see for myself for the moment. How do you know which one is the right one? Or how do you make it the right one?

I thought I had it all figured out and then I didn't. And now I don't. And now, I get back up on the damn horse that brought me to this place and I keep trying to figure it out.



At a fork in the road
I paused
I looked down to see
The tips of my shoes
Hovering on the edge
Of the sky
Reflection
~ Renee Michelle Palmer

Now What?

I'm laying on my incredibly comfortable bed on my amazingly cozy down comforter wearing jeans and a tank top as if it were hot outside. It's not hot outside, or even warm. I have all the windows open (as usual) and the air blowing in is downright chilly. My toes are wishing for socks and my arms for a sweater. They sky is grey and the smell reminds me of June gloom in LA. I like it because I know it is temporary. I wonder if I will like it next month and the month after that and so on.....

I keep writing things and deleting them. Feeling a little out of practice. Need to get the writing juices going again.....

How about we do this interview style?

Q - What have you been up to?
A - Working on a movie. A short independent film.

Q - Yeah? Did you enjoy it?
A - Oh, very much so. I learned so much. Worked very hard, harder than I think I have ever worked in such a small period of time. I met some really great people and hopefully, new friends.

Q - Do you think you will want to continue working in film? In Portland?
A - I have no idea. I don't have a film school degree which makes me feel a little behind the eight ball, not to mention my age. I do know that working on the film fulfilled a lot of things I'd like to have in a job. So, we'll see. I have an idea but I'm kind of keeping it to myself for a minute.

Q - Really? Can you give me a hint?
A - No.

Q - What have you been doing since you got off the movie?
A - Working on some art pieces for my friend's art show. She started an amazing organization called Art from the Ashes. You should check out the website AND you should come to the show. .

Q - What kind of art were you working on?
A - Mixed media collage. Wood, paint, ash, burnt books, burnt tree bark, photography, poetry, etc... I completed two pieces that I submitted for the show.

Q - Sounds cool. Will you be attending?
A - Absolutely! It is such a great opportunity and I feel very lucky to be a part of something so incredibly positive.

Q - So, job done, art done, now what?
A - I've admittedly been doing some relaxing. For the first time in this unemployed period of my life, I don't feel the need to spend eight hours a day looking for a job. Instead, I am mulling over some ideas of my own and trying to figure out how I might make them happen. After a year of not working, I'm pretty sure I am done in the corporate/office world. I feel good, natural. I found out while working on the film that I am still willing to work incredibly hard and that I still have the skills to be successful. You loose your confidence a bit when you haven't worked in so long. I was worried I may have lost "it." So now, I feel like I am ready to make some things happen for myself putting those skills and that drive to work for ME.

Q - Will you continue blogging?
A - Hell yes! And, as mentioned way back when... a photo blog will most likely be added very very soon, so stay tuned.

Q - Anything else you would like to add?
A - Yes. Buy the new Muse record and listen to it really loud.